I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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