I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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