If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
