i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
