Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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