for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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