Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
