i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
