i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wish my penis had a tongue
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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