can we get nightvision for the apartment?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
