I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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