I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
