M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
