I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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