Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
