But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
