Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
