omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
