tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
