he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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