I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
