u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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