I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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