I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
