mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she smelled like a LAN party
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
