I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
