3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
