It's Friday. Sex?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
