Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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