I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
