My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
