dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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