my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
