I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Floor bacon is actually really good
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
