Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
