She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
