Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
