apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
