when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
