and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
