Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
