I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
