a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
