I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
