Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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