who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
