K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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