WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
