My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
