I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
