I want to walk on stilts...naked
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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