Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you win again, gameday.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
