he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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