Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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