if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
high people should be assigned attendants
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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